according to jeff

I am not an idiot.

For the past 4 working days, I have been trying unsuccessfully to join a Microsoft Windows Phone program that will help with developing and publishing applications for Windows Phone 7.

These two facts seem at odds with one another, do they not? After all, how could anyone except an idiot fail at placing a simple $99 order at a Microsoft owned and operated Web site?

Never-the-less, these two facts are not at odds with one another. It is in fact true that I am not an idiot (I hope you’ll agree) and that for 4 days now, I’ve been unable to place a simple order.

My first error occurred after entering my contact information. The resulting page simply said that there was a problem, but didn’t provide any clues as to what the problem was. After trying it from two different browsers in two different operating systems, and receiving the same results, I concluded that I might need some help. I painstakingly identified the Web site address, the data, and the results, and sent the information to Microsoft’s registration help desk.

Fortunately, Microsoft was “quick” to respond, and two days later, I received a form letter that didn’t address my problem.

It did, however, prompt a new thought. So, today, I created a new Windows Live ID and attempted to make the purchase with this ID. Eureka! It worked, if by “worked”, you mean got to the next step of the registration process.

This next step required me to create an XBox “Gamer Tag” to use with my Windows Live ID. Since I’m an imaginative fellow, I figured I could come up with something. I tried:

• OneLeggedMan
• TheOneLeggedMan
• tolm
• HotDogsDontWearSunglasses
• HotDogsWearSunglasses
• dskldfldjdslskdfjdljsflkdsldfjslkfjsdlfjaldjalkdj

Strangely, none of these tags were available. Obviously, I wasn’t as imaginative as I thought.

t finally tried entering my publisher name, and, eureka again, it worked, if by “worked”, you mean got to the next step of the registration process.

At this point, my payment information was needed. “Piece of cake,” I thought, but I’m still stumped on this one. Regardless of which credit card I’ve tried to use, the system tells me that the credit card number is invalid. I’ve tried different Windows Live and XBox billing pages (one of which let me create a PayPal account with the credit card that Microsoft refuses), but none will actually accept credit card information for my Windows Live account.

A google search reveals that this is not an uncommon problem. However, the same search refused to yield a solution.

So frustrating. Windows Phone App Hub — you’re on the naughty list.

The boot drive in my Windows machine has started making the “click of death”. It’s only a matter of time until it fails. While that’s not strictly Windows’ fault, the fact that the hard drive is constantly being accessed (and thus clicking) even when I’ve done nothing but boot up, is. One of the constant aggravations of Windows is the innumerable number of services and startup items that are running in the background, slowing things down, and eventually making it necessary to make a clean install.

It was only a few years ago when I reclaimed this machine. I had been using it as a network file server and backup system. At that time, I loaded Windows XP, and, boy, it was fast. Compared to my Windows laptop, it just flew. Now, it’s as slow as a dog on a hot day being coaxed out of the shade and into the sunlight.

Even though I regularly use msconfig to remove the flotsam and jetsam that are installed (see Adobe), over time, Windows machines just get bogged down with who knows what. You’d have to be a computer programmer to get it all figured out.

Just for fun, this afternoon I used wubi to install Ubuntu as a dual-boot option. I was curious to see if the hard drive would seemingly continually access when managed by Ubuntu as it does when managed by Windows.

The answer: yes, it does. However, I’ve only noticed the clicking when Ubuntu has gone into whatever it calls its “unused” state. When it is active, but I’m not accessing any features, there is no hard drive activity (and thus, no clicking).

I have a second drive in the Windows machine, and nightly backups are made to that second drive. An external hard drive enclosure will be delivered tomorrow, and I’ll then mount the backup disk as a network disk, making it available to all machines on my network. Once I install Office for Mac and figure out how to manage email, import important contacts, etc., then I may be Windows free.

For constantly adding programs to my Windows startup items, Adobe and HP make the naughty list.

HP tends to add printer-related monitors to the list of background processes to be started when the computer starts. With a little bit of attention when the printer is being installed, these can sometimes be avoided. However, sometimes there’s nothing to be done … the monitors are just automatically installed. These apps often monitor ink availability, watch for driver updates, etc. While some might like that, I find them just to be a waste of time. My Windows PC is slow enough already. It doesn’t need more background processes to slow it down.

Adobe is even worse. The Adobe Reader app, for instance, likes to install a process that watches for updates. I disable it from my startup list, only to find that some seemingly innocuous interaction with an Adobe application has added the monitor back in. My start list contains several Adobe-related “unchecked” entries that are all the same. Instead of seeing that I’ve disabled an Adobe updater monitor, Adobe just chooses to keep adding it again. Doubly annoying.

Grr.

For draconian blackout policies, the MLB.tv subscription service earns an undesirable spot on the naughty list.

MLB.tv is a service that allows baseball games to be watched live over the internet, as long as you interpret “live” as “within 90 minutes of the game ending” if you happen to live in a blackout zone for an MLB team. Here in Eastern Iowa, this includes all games played by:

• the Chicago White Sox
• the Milwaukee Brewers
• the Chicago Cubs
• the St. Louis Cardinals
• the Kansas City Royals
• the Minnesota Twins

On a typical day, this means that about a third of all games are blacked out from live broadcast.

Click here for more the disappointing details.

For being the kind of story that makes me say, “Bah!”, Wuthering Heights makes the naughty list.

I’ve just suffered through the 1939 film edition of this Gothic romance, and the only further thing I have to say is this: “Bring on Jane Austen.”

For dropping the Retail Comic Strip to add a new strip, Dustin, the Cedar Rapids Gazette is added to my Naughty List.

I certainly don’t object to running new comics. However, rather than dropping the witty Retail to make room, the Gazette has ample other choices.

For instance, any of the following strips, listed in no particular order, are imminently replaceable.

• The Family Circus
• Blondie
• Pluggers
• Garfield
• Hagar
• Dennis the Menace
• Beetle Bailey
• Sherman’s Lagoon
• Lockhorns

Removing these would leave ample room to keep some quality established comics and still introduce us to some new strips.

For a 27% health insurance rate increase, Assurant Health is added to my Naughty List.

Just like the fictional (oops, guess that lets the cat out of the bag) Santa Claus, I’ve got my own Nice and Naughty Lists. For the first time ever, you can now read about them here.